Items Left on the Wedding To-Do List

We've been together for almost 4 years.

We've been engaged for 15 months.

We chose our wedding venue 13 months ago.

Tell me, somebody, please, why do we have such a long to-do list one week from the wedding date?

Actually, it's not rocket science and I know exactly why we still have a long to-do list one week from the wedding date. My darling husband-to-be and I are Grade-A, Prime Time, Award Winning, World Class Procrastinators.

Oh, we're charming and amazingly intelligent and fabulously good-looking and really, really popular. But even the best amongst us have our faults. Dan and me, we're just plain lazy.

Wait, even that's not entirely true. We bang it out at work. Our employers are damn lucky to have people like us working for them.

But something happens when we get home. The shoes come off, the pajamas go on, the wine comes out, the feet go up and, well, that's pretty much it.

Dan says we're not lazy, we're just content. Uh huh. Content with sitting on the couch with our pajamas, slippers and wine, watching Ace of Cakes and Rescue Me.

Okay, I digress.

The To-Do List:

1. Purchase tins for centerpiece cookies. The nice thing about getting married at a restaurant is that the restaurant takes care of decorating the restaurant. For us, this means that all the tables indoors, where we will be eating dinner, will be fully decorated with flowers, candles, linens, etc. Unfortunately, this left us with the seemingly impossible task of figuring out what to do about the tables on the patio and in the dancing tent. I am not crafty. I don't have what you might call and "aesthetic eye." I had no idea what to do about centerpieces for all those outdoor tables. We threw around a bunch of ideas: floating tea candles, a bouquet of sparklers, cake (yes, cake), vases of flowers. We liked the idea of the cakes best because it meant something yummy for our guests to eat. The problem is, we're out of money so ordering cakes was not an option and while I am the master of all cake makers, I didn't feel like spending the week before my wedding baking a dozen cakes. But the concept of a yummy centerpiece stuck and we compromised with cookies. Chocolate chip, peanut butter, and oatmeal (without raisins because raisins are stupid). We need decorative tins. I worry that, since it's not Christmastime, I won't be able to find decorative tins.

2. Make Chuppah poles. My lovely friend Emily made us a gorgeous quilted Chuppah. Poles, we need poles. My father is arriving on Sunday night to help with wedding prep. Guess what Dad! You get to make Chuppah poles!

3. Hair rehearsal. I'm having my hair professional coiffed for my wedding. This makes me very, very nervous. I've had many unfortunately hair episodes in my life and at this point, the only two people I trust to touch my hair are me and my long-time, well trusted, extremely talented hair-cutter Stephanie. Here's what a learned though: Stephanie doesn't do up-dos. I've been forced to entrust my locks to a stranger. Tomorrow is the practice hair-do, to make sure this woman doesn't turn me out looking like the Bride of Frankenstein for my wedding.

4. Paint signs. We've sic'ed the kids on this one. We need signs for Route 7 pointing people toward the restaurant and then directing them to the site of the ceremony. We're going to provide them with flat wood, paint, brushes, and lots of room to make a mess. And then we're going to walk away.

5. Make bouquets. Oh yeah, you heard that right. We're making our own bouquets. We're ordering bulk roses and Gerber daisies and making our own bouquets. This didn't seem like such a big deal at first. And then, while I was ordering the flowers and dreamily perusing bouquet samples, it occurred to me that I don't have the first clue about how to make a bouquet. How to they get the flowers in exactly the right place? How to they make it so that every flower gets equal airtime? How do they cut the stems so precisely? How do they know what looks good? I panicked and emailed my soon-to-be sister-in-law Kristen. I begged a little and she responded with a very encouraging list of items I needed to buy in order for her to help me make the bouquets. The flowers arrive on Thursday. Via FedEx. From Ecuador. Crazy.

6. Pressure wash the patio and generally clean up the yard in preparation for the "rehearsal dinner" BBQ taking place at Camp Wonegan on Friday. Huh? I'm going to be very busy making cookies, arranging flowers, and getting my hair done. I think Dan had better take care of the yard.

7. Pick up my dress from the tailor. I know, I know, why did I wait so long? I thought it would be fine with high heeled shoes. I bought the shoes (fabulous shoes... really). I put the dress on and it was still too long, but I somehow managed to convince myself that it wasn't. And then I had a dream that I fell on my face in the mud while I was walking down the aisle. I put on the shoes and dress again. I tried to walk. Very bad. Two days ago, I took the dress to Joy (my wonderful tailor who makes my waist look tiny by altering all of my pants just so) and pretty much begged her to take on a rush job. She scolded me for being such a big fat procrastinator and then said "Thursday, $35. Now go away so I can work."

8. Buy a bikini, tank tops, snorkel & mask and trashy magazines for the honeymoon. 'Nuff said.

9. Buy bling. Here's the reason I haven't bought the bling yet: I'm not only a procrastinator, but I'm a girl with Gucci taste on a K-mart budget. I'm going tomorrow to buy the bling. It will be affordable and fine, but I'll be eyeing the expensive stuff wistfully.

10. Write vows. How in the world am I ever going to find the time to write vows when I'm so busy keeping this blog up-to-date?

I'm sure there are other things, but my pajamas, slippers and wine are waiting for me.

We're getting married in 8 days.